Chapter Six: Notes from an “amateur athlete.”

For most of my life, I wasn’t really what you would call a jock. I firmly believed that running should be limited to situations involving predatory animals and that, no matter the context, throwing things at someone is an act of aggression. (It should be no surprise that I failed PE. Twice.)

Over the years I’ve become less opposed to exercise. It’s been an organic process that started with a job doing bike delivery; today I’m a person who owns an LED soccer ball, will voluntarily go jogging, and does HIIT workouts with friends.

But, lately, my need to move has become more intense. Quarantine has turned some people into amateur bread makers. Quarantine has turned me into a full-on amateur athlete.

As it turns out, there’s some science behind why so many of us are experiencing an increased interest in exercise. And it’s not just that we’re worried about our waistlines (which, we should remember, is really only our fatphobia talking anyway). Our ancient ancestors didn’t exercise to get ripped; they did it to survive.

Unlike our relatively sedentary primate cousins, who lounge in trees and nibble on leaves and bugs all day, early humans were on the ground running after giant aurochs and running from sabre-toothed tigers. In evolutionary time, we only shifted to a sedentary existence, like, three minutes ago.

Anyway, after a particularly brutal procrastination spiral last week, I turned to physical activity as a way of coping with stress and jump-starting my work.

I had a lot of things to catch up on this week. Luckily, the kids were with their dad, so I’d have more peace and quiet around the house, and I wouldn’t have to manage feeling guilty for not helping Kelsey with childcare and housework while I work from home. Still, Monday morning, I could already feel the stress building, and I knew I couldn’t afford to take a week off and focus on fun. In fact, I was so stressed out that I couldn’t even focus on simple tasks; every time I’d start one thing, I couldn’t help but think about all the other things I had to get done, too.

Instead of banging my head against the metaphorical wall, I decided to get out and get moving. At the very least, getting outside and getting moving would inspire me to take a shower and put on clean pants later, which, with the lowered expectations of the time of coronavirus, would feel like a win. And, since physical activity is also a tool to get back on track when you’re procrastinating, I’d probably be better able to work after burning off some anxious energy.

Tip: When you can’t get your mind going, get your body going. The mind will follow (probably).

Task: Use cardio to spark creativity (and as a way of coping with stress).

Getting moving early in the day helped my productivity, and I wanted to avoid burning the midnight oil this week (and to avoid burnout more generally), but the reality was I needed to work longer hours to make up for falling behind. At first, things seemed to be going fine. I was zooming through my Zoom meetings. I wrote a trivia headline about the etymology of city names (did you know Eugene, Oregon was originally called Skinner’s Mudhole?; they really made a good rebranding choice with that one). And Kelsey was getting some freelance work done, too. But, by late afternoon, we’d both run out of steam.

Calling it quits for the day wasn’t an option. Neither was giving my mind a rest by shifting to simpler, less complex tasks. I had a trivia-writing deadline to meet, which meant I not only needed to focus enough to research and fact check, but I also needed to come up with category ideas, which takes a lot more creative energy than you might think.

I needed a way to reset and combat the stress I could already feel coming on. So, it was time for physical activity part two. And after a game of jog-and-throw-a-softball-back-and-forth-one-hundred-times-without-dropping-it (look, I said I was becoming an amateur athlete; I didn’t say I was good at or familiar with actual sports), I was able to get back to work and pump out some new and creative content. (I’m especially pleased with a category called “Historic Headlines, Middle Ages” with newspaper-headline style clues to questions about the founding of the Carolingian Empire. It’s my kind of niche content).

Tip: Get your pulse up and your blood flowing, and your creative juices will start flowing, too.

There’s science behind this, too.

Constant physical activity didn’t only shape the human body; it also shaped the human mind. Just like our muscular systems adapted to walking and running upright, our brains adapted to do the kind of multitasking necessary for hunting and gathering. And, just like our muscles atrophy if we don’t use them, our brains do, too. Because our brains are connected to the rest of our bodies, exercising our bodies can jump start our brains.

Task: Fight the urge to run (from stress management techniques).

Of course, there can be too much of a good thing. A little morning exercise can jumpstart your day, but a nine-mile walk before breakfast is maybe a little excessive.

You see, there’s another reason I’ve been gravitating toward exercise (and yes, it involves even more science). My mind and body are responding to the chronic stress of existing in a pandemic.

Back when our ancestors were chasing those aurochs and running from those sabre-toothed tigers, the world was a dangerous place. Whenever they came across some of that danger, early humans only had 2 options if they wanted to survive: fight, or flee. Either way, they were going to need a lot of energy and hyperfocus, and they were going to need it fast, so their brains flooded their bodies with stress hormones to get everything going.

Our bodies aren’t adept at recognizing what kind of stress we’re experiencing; just that there is stress. As far as our bodies are concerned, the fear of getting laid off because of coronavirus feels the same as the fear of being attacked by a giant, razor-toothed kangaroo (yes, giant razor-toothed kangaroos were a thing).

But here’s the thing: life in the time of COVID-19 is a time of constant, simmering stress. It’s just in the air (which is maybe a bad metaphor to use when we’re talking about a virus that’s spread through respiratory droplets?).

40,000 years ago, the cascade of fight-or-flight hormones that helped early humans run away from a 6,000-pound wooly rhinoceros only lasted for a short time; once they lost the rhino, they were able to relax. They had to relax. Because all that stuff that helps save you from the charging rhino—cortisol, adrenaline, increased heart rate—can also have negative effects on your health long term. And, in the short term, constant fight-or-flighting means you’re not actually getting rid of your stress; you’re just running from it.

Tip: To really combat productivity-zapping anxiety, pair physical activity and exercise with relaxation as a way of coping with stress.

I realized that a little late this time around (that is, when I’d worked my legs so hard on so many days in a row that walking up the stairs made me want to cry—and I still didn’t feel any less stressed overall). But, moving forward, I’ll be incorporating some anxiety reduction techniques in my quarantine routine.

And maybe next week I’ll take a break from cardio and turn to carbs. Everybody else is baking bread; I might as well try it out.